I have no right to call myself one who knows. I was one who seeks, and I still am, but I no longer seek in the stars or in the books; I’m beginning to hear the teachings of my blood pulsing within me. My story isn’t pleasant, It’s not sweet and harmonious like invented stories; It tastes of folly and bewilderment, of madness and dream, like the life of all people who no longer want to lie to themselves. -Hermann Hesse

This entry is more to mark a passage of time, like a journal online. Life is moving forward fast, I am immersing myself in meditation and becoming. I am concentrating on me right now, spending alot of time inside my own head, worshipping myself, it’s about time. I have no idea why it has taken me 25 years to get to this point but at least I am finally on my way and for that I am grateful. Several years ago I thought I had it all figured out, but now, I know we never get to the point we have it all figured out and that is a good thing. To learn, grow and overcome our fears is what keeps us alive and I feel more alive now than I did at 20. I also thought I had overcome most of my fears, my scars, but that is the farthest thing from the truth that I have ever buried away from from myself. I have to admit with all the false bravado, a very convincing show I might add, it is no wonder I fooled most everyone even myself. I thought I had experienced so much in my life that nothing would ever make me afraid again in this lifetime but I was wrong, very wrong. For the first time in my life I am confronting my fears, in fact I am chasing them down with the hounds of hell on my heels, I am feeling my fear, not pushing it down down down. I have so much more to learn, to do, to say, to give. Until later, Lily.

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