Goodbye,” said the fox. Here is my secret. It’s quite simple: One sees clearly only with the heart. Anything essential is invisible to the eyes.”
“Anything essential is invisible to the eyes,” the little prince repeated, in order to remember.
“It’s the time you spend on your rose that makes your rose so important.”
“It’s the time I spent on my rose…,” the little prince repeated, in order to remember.
“People have forgotten this truth,” the fox said. “But you mustn’t forget it. You become responsible forever for what you’ve tamed. You’re responsible for your rose…”
“I’m responsible for my rose…,” the little prince repeated, in order to remember.
-Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince
The long and winding road is truly the way my journey has unfolded as I am sure happens with most of us. Please remember that this is my truth, my journey and I wouldn’t expect it to sing to anyone else. It has taken me, what seems like forever, to realize I relate to everything at a primordial level. I feel everything all at once emanating from a tree, an animal, a human and it took many years for me to understand that most others do not and this has caused much confusion throughout my life in my relationships with others. I am sure that is why I feel most at peace and alive while in nature, with my animal family, or in my gardens since the hum of energy emanating from them is constant, complete and wide open. Before I gained a full understanding of the way I relate and interact with the world there have been times of deep despair, terror, anger, hate (of myself and others), much confusion and self destructiveness, attempting to participate in a world where all the wires seemed crossed to me. A world where as a child I would blurt out what was plainly in front of everyone’s eyes and they would turn and stare at me with horror, aghast, “what did she just say!” like they couldn’t believe their ears. What did I do wrong I would wonder, I told the truth, isn’t that what we are supposed to do? Isn’t that what I have been taught is to be honest, not to lie? Ah but there is a secret they don’t tell you growing up, people lie to themselves and eventually that lie becomes their truth.
There was a time when I wished I could move through life in this oblivion that I see and feel from so many. I think to myself how it must be less painful, possbily more peaceful to just go along oblivious, turn a blind eye. But then in retrospect I know for me it would never be possible to be this way and thank the Gods I am not! It would not create anything for me but confusion and an overwhelming disatisfaction in my relationship with myself. I am an Empath, which I had no way to define what I am for a long time. My heart is a wide open book and it is hard to understand that most people’s are not. When I meet someone I feel like I have met an old friend that I haven’t seen in ages and something inside me lights up. I have learned for the most part to contain this enthusiasm over the years because it makes the majority of people uncomfortable even if they do not realize it immediately, it takes a minute or two than the shield comes up. I can tell by their body language and energy the moment they hesitate, something inside them saying watch out, what is going on here, who is this person? Why are they so interested in me? They may not think these thoughts directly but something inside them makes them wary. Why?? Hell I don’t know, if I did I wouldn’t be a seeker I guess, but I have many suspicions of why people behave this way.
The Left Hand Path and myself have a kinship, an understanding. It has become a very important part of my existence in the past few years. I am an Anarchist of mind, body and spirit. and the Left Hand Path to me embodies this. If I deny Lilith, Satan, Jesus, the Siddha Masters or anything else that touches me and moves through me than I deny myself. Duality cannot be ignored or denied by my being, just as it is a fact that there can be no darkness without light and vice versa.
So my journey takes a new turn, my book turns a page and I am becoming a happier person. I have left the fast paced world of Healthcare/IT, and though many I know find me mad, off kilter, those closest to me embrace and support me, though they are few they are strong. I look back with gratitude for invaluable lessons learned and forward awestruck with unabandoned excitement and of course some moments of sheer terror. Letting go is always inexplicably a tough thing to do. I am taking my meditation seriously, I have found a great teacher and in a few years will become one myself. I am working towards my degree as an RN in order to work with hospice patients and their families. I have a myriad of ideas that will play out as all of this unfolds. I emphatically believe Death should be as honored and as revered as Birth. Humans need to work towards this “letting go” without fear and I plan on playing a part in this evolution.
to be continued…..