Rape is an Analogy of Humanity (“my uncensored thoughts of a Moment in Time”, an unedited excerpt)

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We rape our earth, we rape each other daily.  Rape is one of many analogies my mind defines that calls for the desperate need for humanity to break the chains of our present paradigm.  Human evolution cannot begin without a change from one way of thinking to another, a revolution, a transformation, a metamorphosis, a call for action not perpetuation of our present paradigm by apathy.  We need to understand this as an absolute, we have no other choices left in order for our children’s, children’s, children to enjoy the magic of our beautiful world in a way they deserve, and this is our ultimate responsibility. At this point in time, we have come no further than our hunter gatherer ancestors, in fact our indifference and lack of action, is nothing more than a form of backsliding in terms of humanities evolution.

If you wonder how I came to view humanity through such a perspective I will tell you just a wee part of my story which formed my paradigm of truth.  It isn’t pretty, some may find it crude and horrifying, but it is a mere microcosm of what our humanity is allowing to pass off as the norm.  In fact I hope this shakes you up to the very core of your being, but I highly doubt it, you’ve heard it before a million times and nothing is changing, YET; and if it does affect you I know it will only be a fleeting discomfort, a brief pity party, and then you will go on, go to work, save for retirement, take vacations, watch tv, do your thing and push this moment aside  as so many other horrific events are pushed to the back burner of life because you most likely feel more comfortable believing it is out of your hands..  I apologize that I sound completely negative because in all actuality I definitely am not!  I love people, everyone I meet I want to know their story, their viewpoint, how they came to be the people they are, I am truly fascinated and interested….I find inexhaustible venues of enrichment, pleasure, and undeniable beauty to quench my endless curiosity.  This world and beyond is a feast for my being and I am in love with it and with humanity.   I choose to believe there is always hope for a better way and I have met and continue to meet honest, intelligent, kind hearted souls as I travel through this life that believe as I do.

Super Bowl Sunday for me is a dark featureless day, the epitome of everything I perceive as fucked up in the world.   I don’t often think about the actual day and when that time arrives each year I shut myself away.  Going back in time to that fateful day….. it started as many other evenings for someone in their early twenties, another excuse to  party with my friends, good times, laughter, lots of drinks, a joint here and there.  People around me that I had partied with many many times before, people like you and me, but that is where it gets ugly.  Somewhere along the line these people, who I had no reason in the world to distrust, doubt or fear in my wildest dreams, changed my world forever.  I will never understand it and anymore I don’t even try, there is no understanding, no reasoning for the events that unfolded.  To be blunt, because that is what I am blunt and tactless with few filters, in any event I was brutally violently raped and beaten to the point that when I fought back I was knocked out cold for several hours and unable to walk or move about without considerable pain throughout my entire body for several days.  Why did this happen?  Why was I the one that was shunned, whispered about behind people’s hands, called a whore and a slut.  Why?  Who the fuck would choose to endure such pain and humility at the hands of a group of people they had once considered friends?  These are people that  walk freely among you today.  They own businesses, build your highways and homes, run your cities, serve on your school boards, they are your neighbors, friends, coworkers, husbands, fathers, brothers, mothers, sisters, somebody’s children, fellow countrymen, fellow humans.  No other animal on earth is deliberately destructive to another of its kind except man. It is something my mind cannot and will not accept. Don’t you dare pity me either, I won’t have it and I don’t want it because what I want you to try to understand is awful hideous events such as this and much worse occur everywhere, every minute of every day to our fellow humans all over the world and it is senseless.  In light of the Steubenville rape and many other despicable travesties we read and hear about through the media or see with our own eyes, this is also a cathartic event for me, sharing this with the world.  Something I have attempted to do so many times in the past.  Yes, it changed my life profoundly and forever but it will never beat me because I am incredibly resilient and strong, I am Lilith.  But…I can no longer walk to my car alone in a lonely dark parking lot without looking over my shoulder and having that awful moment of sheer panic.  I no longer hike alone in the woods without packing a pistol and many times crowds freak me out.  I fight with my self-esteem everyday along with depression now and again.  I fear I will not trust another living human except my own children ever again, not completely, I depend on myself.  We are the beasts and destroyers of this earth and each other.  We make the biblical Satan appear a Saint.  Evolution of humanity is the only way out of this mess and it is up to all us to speak out against what is not right, not true.  Fuck tact, fuck the filters and fuck your comfort zone, OR, do nothing and leave this selfish legacy for our future generations to sort through; this fine mess we all have a hand in at the present moment and are guilty of perpetuating through our indifference.

I am a peaceful warrior, nothing can stop me.  I don’t write this to breed negativity but if what I have to say can spur even one person out of their apathy into action, it will have been worth spilling my blood out on this page.  If you have read my blog http://ladylilith333.tumblr.com/ you have read my intro, here is part of it:

“Gardening and communing with nature are my peace. I have learned that Fear kills everything that is true and right, and if you carry it with you, and do not follow your instinct, that gut recognition that comes from beyond the fear, fear binds you, blinds you, and you will never be truly alive. Do not fear to believe in yourself above all others.”

Namaste,

Lily

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